A childhood story said that far away
And long ago, men bound themselves entwined
In twists and curves so tight that where those lay
The limbs would join. That sketch still in my mind...
So much they lost. The beauty, and the form;
Proportion gone. And where there used to be
That grace of movement, they had dared transform
And hinder part of them that would be free.
And hand to head, and arm to breast, they stand
And watch the pennies fall before their feet.
But all I think of is the useless hand
And how that closeness is its own defeat,
And how perhaps I, like them, could be free,
But keep the things I love too close to me.
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12 comments:
this is tres good :) reminds me of that picture of the little Irish men lol
? what picture is that?
I'm really impressed by the way you put the words together -just so- to the point where i could actually see the picture in my mind as i read the lines. And the thoughts put into the reality as well as the subconcious consequences thereof flow naturally and pull the reader into seeing it your way.
beautiful. brava.
you know the one where theyre all bound up and holding eachothers beards and stuff...i have a specific on in mind, but any celtic manogram (hehe) will do...
Muted! lol
oh yeah, i remember.
Maybe it should say “And watch the beards fall before their feet.”
Great ending, by the way.
btw... form...transform... thats cheating.
... That sketch still in my mind..." Filler line??
not really.....transition phrase maybe, trying to say that "I still picture them the way I did then and this is what I'm thinking of" in half a line lol...
Just thinking out loud here — not to be confused with the sound of the wailing and gnashing of teeth, mind you ... on the one hand, the line is redundant, because it can be assumed that the sketch is in your mind, since you brought up the story; on the other hand, it does a nice thing musically, because “mind” rings with “entwined” and “tight” and “join.” As I read it over, I wonder what would happen if you moved the sketch line from the end of the first verse to the beginning of the second, since it is really more related to “So much they lost.”
With a cut-and-paste kind of motion, William? I was counting on the rhyming part to keep the pattern, but that can always be worked out. Not sure if you mean changing the physical position or whatever one would call it of the phrase, or moving the idea...
Apparently that suggestion was made by my evil twin. (Imagine how rotten he must be!) Because in looking at it now, such a move (yes, a cut-and-paste) would probably create more trouble than it would solve.
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